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| Dear God,
I have sinned so many times, I pray that you will forgive me.
God, do you feel that I'm slowly walking closer to you again? I've been praying every night again.
I feel... secure these few days. I feel warm.
I know for a few years I've been asking for that one thing. There's no doubt that I don't want it now. I do, I really do. But if I trust your plan, I shouldn't keep asking. I should learn to rely on you and not worry. I hope I can do that. =)
And please help me control my feelings. They're everywhere.
I need to get that starbucks jobbbbbbbbbbbb
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我今年會在香港慶祝聖誕節
感覺很好 好開心
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| There are so many things going on in my life right now. Finance problems, college stuff, family arguments, friends. I can't seem to solve anything at all.
So we bought a new car using Clunkers. Clunkers is a program which gives you back money when you trade in your old car. My old car is worth 3,500 dollars. It was a used car when we first bought it, but the dealer didn't provide with all the paperwork that we're supposed to have so right now, we're in trouble. We need a letter of clarification that says that we don't owe the bank loans. They think that we owe the bank money and it's really stupid because we didn't buy the car when it first came out, duh. I'm really worried right now. 3,500 is a lot of money and it can't be made with my family for a year, okay, so money is a big problem right now.
Because money is a problem, I'm considering schools that are close by. I can't imagine my parents on debt all the time and worrying about finance. I see them getting white hairs everyday and it worries me, really. I'm also worried about the financial aid my sisters have and I don't know if they will provide a lot of money for my sisters. I'm worried that I won't have a lot of fafsa. I'm worried that I'll have to pay a lot. I'm worried that I won't go to a good school. I want to dorm. But dorming is a heck load of money. I want to stay home also, because honestly, ruby can't help my parents with translation.
Friends. I've been thinking. I don't have a lot of friends. That's not the problem. I just want friends who will stay by my side. Boyfriends are also a problem. My friends who have boyfriends usually ditch me for them. Hm. I'm sure this definitely has happened to many others. I just need someone who I can rely to permanently. So there's this guy... I'm sure he cares, but we haven't talked with each other for almost a month now and I'm started to wonder why. It's really bothering me because neither of us is taking the first step. I'm started to wonder if he has moved on. This isn't a relationship, but it was once to a point where I have considered. Right now isn't the time to think about these things. If I survived the first 3 years of high school without dating, then I can at least make it through the first semester of senior year. Definitely not the time to think about these things, but I can't help it. Some friends will stay forever, but some won't. I'm starting to notice those who won't.
Family. Because of my grandfather's "incident", I have built a grudge towards him. It annoys me to have anything related to him. Either its turning on the TV for him or going to dimsum with him, I just can't feel annoyed. He likes food so much that he can criticize my mother's food everyday without noticing that he's really annoying. He's REALLY ANNOYING!! I don't want to say that I hate him because I don't. I have this big grudge that I really need to get rid of. I know that if he dies, I'll definitely miss him. I try to be nice sometimes and it works.
Religion. Honestly, I've been doubting lately. It's never been this way before. I want to stop attending church. It's really bad, I know. I'm praying for myself, my family, and so much more.
I need an emotional break.
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| Princeton Prep and John Liu Youth Action Team starts tomorrow!
I hope I can make the best out of this summer.
I burned my thumb and index finger=[ How am I going to write that essay and take that practice SAT tomorrow. It hurts when I type. Hahaha.
I was gonna go for a swim today but the pool's filter was broken. Humph. I'll try again tomorrow or Friday. I really wanna swim for a good hour or two. I like swimming a lot.
I'll be working with JLYAT on Monday through Thursday. I might even go to the events on Saturdays. I'm excited to work with them.
I saw John Han at the orientation. It was HILARIOUS! Cause I know that he's dating my best friend's best friend HAHA. John, I don't like you anymore, so please don't act awkward when we work together. LOL awkward person + awkward person= EXTREMELY AWKWARD. StephJou and I discovered this together. LOL.
Oh yeah. Yesterday was StephJou and I's date. It was fun. It was tiring. I had food coma in the morning. We went to a really good restaurant and I can't believe I forget it's nameeee! =(
We went shopping. I didn't buy much cause I didn't have my credit card ( my mother) with me. We ended up looking around. The point of this hangout wasn't about shopping. IT WAS ABOUT TELLING HER WHAT HAPPENED TO ME THIS WHOLE FREAKING YEAR. That's how long we haven't had time for each other. It's nice to have a biffle that'll always listen. We then went to flushing and had Taiwanese Ice. FLUSHING IS SUCH A BORING PLACE TO BE! We took the bus and missed the 46 park stop because I was talking.. -.- And missed my house stop because I ADDED AND TALKED ABOUT MY DIRTY TOES. Hahaha! Good times GOod times. We missed a stop but we went to Alley Pond Park and hung out for an hour and Camera Whored. LOL
 Isn't she so pretty... Someone ask her out!<3
 2009 2006
we definitely failed. FAILED ATTEMPT!
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